It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
