my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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