I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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