Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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