Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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