How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
