I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
babies were throwing up all over the place
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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