allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You ate ashes out of my bong
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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