The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
