Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
