just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
