Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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