Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
