I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
