I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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