dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
