I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
