i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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