I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize