At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
