Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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