booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
