this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
