k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
