If i come over, it means nothing
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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