nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
