And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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