I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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