You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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