omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
