that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize