Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
