youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
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