i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
