I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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