i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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