He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
we're chasing vodka with high fives
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize