your room smells of hookers.
And success
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize