Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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