Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
