he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
