piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
