there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
