shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
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