First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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