When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
