3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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