I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
