I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
