a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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