just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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