i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
