kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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