My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
