C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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