I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
