Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Randomize
