The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
