I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
