You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
