"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
