Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
