So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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