Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
