I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Come see our sink grown plant.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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